


Hard to Belong to a Girl or a Psalm

by 27summer



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 13:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17940710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: Post 1x80. Valentina finds Juliana after learning she's leaving town.





	Hard to Belong to a Girl or a Psalm

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't seen anything past episode 80.

It was dark when Juliana got home but not so dark that she couldn’t recognize who was pacing frantically. “Val? Are you okay? What are you doing here?”

“Juls.” Valentina threw her arms around her. “I thought you were gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean?” Juliana asked, allowing herself a moment to enjoy being this close to Valentina.

“Sergio said you were leaving. And you didn’t pick up your phone and I came here and you were gone. And I thought I’d never see you again,” Valentina rambled. “I know I asked for space but I didn’t mean forever.”

“Val, it’s- it’s okay.” Juliana pulled back slightly, looking at Valentina closely. “My phone died. And I just had to get away. My mom’s all over me.”

“But are you leaving?” Valentina asked.

“I’m thinking about it,” Juliana admitted, cringing at the way Valentina’s face fell.

“Because of me?”

“No. No, you are the only reason I’d even consider staying.” Juliana blew out a breath. “It’s everything else that’s just too much. I hate this place. There’s too many reminders of every bad thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense.” Valentina released her hold on Juliana.

“Are you angry?” Juliana asked. She hated the tension between them but she had no clue how to change it.

“No. Of course not.” Valentina bit her lip, looking away from Juliana. “I just want you to be safe. And happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

Juliana shook her head. “I’m not trying to get away from you, I promise. I miss you. And if I left, I’d miss you even more. I just- I’m scared all of the time. And I don’t have anyone. My mom- She doesn’t want to hear it. I’m back, I’m not hurt. I should be fine. But I’m not.”

“You have me,” Valentina whispered.

“But I don’t. Not really. You need space. And I get that. But I’m still all alone.” Juliana shrugged.

“I never meant to make you feel alone,” Valentina said.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who broke up with you. I’m the one who slept with Sergio.” Juliana shook her head. She hated herself for screwing up so badly.

“I’m hurt but- We were broken up. I don’t have any right to be hurt,” Valentina pointed out. “You didn’t owe me anything.”

“I owe you everything,” Juliana whispered. “I hated every minute of it. And I’m even more sorry because it hurt you.”

Valentina clenched her jaw. “I don’t want to hear about that.”

“Val-”

“Let me finish.” Val held up a hand. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does.”

“What’s important is you. And what you need.” Valentina reached out, pressing her hand to Juliana’s cheek. “All I want is for you to be happy.”

“I want that, too. But I don’t know what to do.” Juliana hugged Valentina as hard as she could. She needed the comfort of Valentina’s touch.

Valentina rubbed her hands up and down Juliana’s back. “What do you want, Juls?”

“I don’t know.” Juliana rested her head in Valentina’s neck.

“You do know. Do you want to go?”

“Not- not right now.”

“If I wasn’t here, would you want to go?” Valentina asked, never stopping the slow movements on Juliana’s back.

“I-” Juliana lifted her head to meet her eyes. “Yes. Yes, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Valentina pressed her cheek to Juliana’s. “I want you to always be honest with me.”

“Being in this place- It hurts too much. I’m having nightmares and they won’t go away. I can’t do it.” Juliana blinked back tears. She didn’t want to feel like this. She wanted to be with Valentina and have that be the only thing that mattered. But it wasn’t.

“Then you have to go, Juls.”

“Val, I-”

“Shh.” Valentina placed a finger on Juliana’s lips. “If that’s what will make you feel safe, it’s what you need to do.”

“I don’t want to never see you again,” Juliana said.

Valentina pulled back, cupping Juliana’s face in her hands. “You’re not going to lose me. No matter what happens, I’m not going to let you go.”

“I-” Juliana sighed. “What are we going to do?”

“You’re going to figure out where you want to go and you’re going to go. And I’ll support you however I can.” Valentina rubbed her thumb over Juliana’s cheek. “It’s not like it’s impossible for us to keep in touch. We can call and text and Skype. We’ll figure it out.”

“It won’t be the same.”

“It won’t be,” Valentina agreed. “But I need you to be happy. And that can’t be here.”

Juliana stared at Valentina, her heart beating fast in her chest. “I- Do you think we’ll be able to handle being miles apart?”

“We have to try.” Valentina leaned closer, brushing her nose against Juliana’s. “And you know, I could visit. And- and maybe one day, I could stay with you.”

“You’d really do that?” Juliana looked up at her, feeling lighter than she had in a long time.

“I’d do anything for you.” Valentina shrugged. “I- I can’t right now. I’ve got to settle things here. And Eva’s pregnant and I need to be here for that. But maybe someday.”

“That- that would be wonderful.” Juliana could feel the tears coming and she tried to desperately steady herself.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Valentina asked. “Everything’s going to be all right.”

“I- I thought everything was going to fall apart and you say it’s not but-” Juliana wiped at her eyes. “I just don’t know. I feel so- I don’t even know.”

“Oh, Juls.” Valentina pulled her close. “You have been through so much. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Juliana said quickly. She never wanted Val to blame herself for any of this.

“I’m still sorry you feel badly.” Valentina pressed a kiss into Juliana’s hair. “But you’re going to go and you’ll feel better and we’ll work things out.”

“How can you be so sure?” Juliana asked.

“Because I love you. I know that you have trouble accepting that but I’ll just have to prove it to you,” Valentina said simply.

“And it’s that easy?”

“It’s not. It’s a lot of work. But you’re worth it.”

“I’m not,” Juliana muttered. She wanted so badly to trust Valentina but nothing ever worked out for her.

“You are.” Valentina stared at her intently. “I love you, Juliana. We can do this. If you want to try.”

“I want to. I’m just scared.” Juliana stared back at her, amazed as always that this wonderful girl loved her. “I love you, too.”

“Good.” Valentina leaned down, kissing her gently. “We’ll figure it out.”

“You’d really follow me wherever I go?” Juliana asked, finally feeling the weight lift off of her shoulders. She felt calmer than she had in a while. She could leave but she wouldn’t lose Valentina. That was really all she wanted.

“I’d follow you to the ends of the earth.” Valentina blushed, ducking her head. “That’s silly.”

“No, it’s just what I want to hear.” Juliana pulled her in close, breathing Valentina in. This would be hard but they would figure it out. She would trust in that, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a Dashboard Confessional song, Hell on the Throat. The line It’s hard to belong to a girl or a psalm in the case of a selfish believer just reminds me so much of Juliana. Thanks for reading.


End file.
